You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
