we made out on top of his cat.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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