If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
