Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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