I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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