you didnt know i had herpes?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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