He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
