Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
