She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
