I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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