My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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