im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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