I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
