If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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