Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
