my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
