I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
