my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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