dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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