All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
