I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
