She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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