just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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