Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
