both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
