we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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