i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
