Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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