What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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