I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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