): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
