Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
