If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
