the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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