I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
