two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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