i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
