we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
