I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
