I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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