please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
