Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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