I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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