You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You just made me feel so damn special
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
