I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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