i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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