Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
