He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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