Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
