I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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