My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well I just put wine in my tea
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
