P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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